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There is one statement I have heard, and that is, “I just don’t think I will ever get over this.” This statement is often said by my clients who have recently learned their spouse has had an affair. The second most common phrase I hear is, “I just don’t think I can ever trust them […]
There is one statement I have heard, and that is, “I just don’t think I will ever get over this.” This statement is often said by my clients who have recently learned their spouse has had an affair. The second most common phrase I hear is, “I just don’t think I can ever trust them again.”
The initial shock of infidelity cuts deep. Knowing your partner has broken your trust in such a profound way can completely turn your world upside down.
Whether or not a couple can recover from infidelity depends on the two individuals and the bond they have already built. It also depends on the exact circumstances of the affair. Was it a drunken one-night stand on a business trip or an affair that lasted for years? Were love and intimacy involved, or was it merely a physical occurrence?
What I can tell you is that for those couples who want to try and stay together, it will take work on both of their parts. But healing can happen.
Recovery must begin with an absolute ending to the affair. All ties must be cut before the work can begin. Should the affair continue behind the scenes, in my experience, the relationship is very unlikely to succeed.
The second step to recovery is for the deceiver to be able to move past defensiveness and guilt so they make talk openly and transparently about what happened. This is a time when the “guilty” party will have to be humble, acknowledge their wrong-doings, and answer their partner’s questions.
Next, there must be a shared understanding of what led to the affair in the first place. Were there issues in the marriage that led to the affair? If so, these will need to be tackled.
In order for the deceived spouse or partner to be able to begin healing, they will need to feel genuine compassion from their partner for having caused them pain. There is typically a knee-jerk reaction to not want to accept the cheater’s apologies or compassion. This can be seen as a way to “get back.” But understand that doing so only holds you back from healing.
The person that was deceived will also need to explore all of their feelings surrounding the betrayal. Usually shock, rage, fear, sadness, and distrust are the main emotions a person will need to work through.
At a certain point, you both will need to decide whether you will stay together. If you choose to, you will need to work on rebuilding that trust.
As you can see, the process of recovery is a complex one and will require that you work with a marriage counselor to help you navigate the strong emotions involved. But, through commitment and work, many couples can stay together and even have a stronger bond than they did before.
If you would like to seek counseling for infidelity, please get in touch with me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
SOURCES:
With everything that we’ve gone through as a society in recent years—the COVID-19 pandemic, mass shootings, the possibility of a recession, and more—let alone what we’ve had to deal with in our personal lives, it can be hard to cope. But taking steps to adapt can greatly benefit our mental health and overall well-being. Below […]
With everything that we’ve gone through as a society in recent years—the COVID-19 pandemic, mass shootings, the possibility of a recession, and more—let alone what we’ve had to deal with in our personal lives, it can be hard to cope. But taking steps to adapt can greatly benefit our mental health and overall well-being. Below are some tips on how to build resilience in difficult times.
It’s human nature to concentrate on the negatives—after all, doing so helped our ancestors avoid danger and survive. But when you’re faced with difficult times, it’s important that you try to find the silver lining. For example, if you lose your job, focus on how it’s provided you with the opportunity to find an even better position.
Oftentimes, we find ourselves in difficult circumstances that are beyond our control. When that happens, it’s important that you accept reality and focus only on what you have the power to change. For instance, if a loved one receives a troubling diagnosis, rather than stressing about potential outcomes, you should focus on what you can do to make the treatment process easier for them. This might include driving your loved one to appointments, running errands for them, or offering a listening ear.
If you tend to stick your head in the sand whenever times get tough, you’re not alone. But this habit can cause you to feel isolated, compounding any difficulties you’re already experiencing. So, make it a point to reach out to friends and family members. Even if you don’t discuss the issues you’re currently dealing with, getting to relax and spend time together—either in person or by phone—will likely leave you feeling better overall.
If you’re going through a difficult time in your life and would like to work on building your resilience, contact us today. We’ll be happy to schedule a therapy session at a time that’s convenient for you.
No matter how independent you may be, it’s still important to build healthy relationships with your immediate and extended family members, friends, and coworkers. Research suggests that when we foster connections with those around us, it can: Improve our self-esteem Make us more cooperative, empathetic, and trusting Strengthen our immune systems Extend our lives Reduce […]
No matter how independent you may be, it’s still important to build healthy relationships with your immediate and extended family members, friends, and coworkers. Research suggests that when we foster connections with those around us, it can:
Different types of relationships require different approaches. For instance, you should likely treat your coworkers differently than your immediate family members. With that said, taking the following steps may help you to nurture positive relationships with many people in your life:
As noted above, it’s important to have healthy relationships in your life, so if you need help fostering connections, contact us today. We’ll gladly tell you more about our practice, answer your questions, and schedule a therapy session.
Do you experience persistent feelings of sadness, emptiness, hopelessness, worthlessness, or guilt? Are you feeling fatigued, anxious, restless, or like you can’t focus? Have you lost interest in the activities you once enjoyed, or have your coworkers or loved ones noticed that you’ve been more irritable than usual? If this sounds familiar, you might have […]
Do you experience persistent feelings of sadness, emptiness, hopelessness, worthlessness, or guilt? Are you feeling fatigued, anxious, restless, or like you can’t focus? Have you lost interest in the activities you once enjoyed, or have your coworkers or loved ones noticed that you’ve been more irritable than usual?
If this sounds familiar, you might have depression, a common but serious mood disorder. You should schedule an appointment with a therapist as soon as possible, but in the meantime, here are some practical steps you can take to help manage your depression:
Are you having trouble overcoming sadness? We can help you take the first step toward conquering your depression and improving your quality of life. Contact us today to schedule a therapy session.
Anxiety is very common—in fact, according to the Anxiety & Depression Association of America (ADAA), anxiety disorders affect 40 million U.S. adults every year. Yet many people don’t have a strong understanding of anxiety and may not realize that it can take many forms. Here are some of the most common types of anxiety: Generalized […]
Anxiety is very common—in fact, according to the Anxiety & Depression Association of America (ADAA), anxiety disorders affect 40 million U.S. adults every year. Yet many people don’t have a strong understanding of anxiety and may not realize that it can take many forms. Here are some of the most common types of anxiety:
If you’ve been diagnosed with or suspect that you have an anxiety disorder, we can help. Contact us today to schedule an appointment at a date and time of your choosing.
If you’ve recently lost someone or something, you may be going through the grieving process. Below, we explain what grief is and how long the grieving process can be expected to take. We also offer some tips on how to cope with loss. What Is Grief? The emotional pain that you feel after a loss […]
If you’ve recently lost someone or something, you may be going through the grieving process. Below, we explain what grief is and how long the grieving process can be expected to take. We also offer some tips on how to cope with loss.
The emotional pain that you feel after a loss is known as “grief.” Someone who’s grieving may feel a combination of shock, disbelief, sadness, anger, fear, and guilt, which can make it difficult to eat, sleep, and engage in other routine activities. It’s common for people to lose or gain weight, become sick, and feel achy.
Many people think of grief only in terms of the death of a loved one, but it can also occur when someone loses their:
Grief can be divided into numerous categories, including anticipatory grief, complicated grief, and disenfranchised grief.
There’s no easy answer to this question, as the grieving timeline varies from one person to another. Some individuals heal within weeks or months, while others continue grieving for years. Many people go through the five stages of grief—which include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—but it’s possible to heal without experiencing all (or any) of these stages.
Many people who are grieving a loss find it helpful to speak with a therapist. In addition to therapy, you may want to try:
If you’re having a difficult time coping with loss, you should consider speaking to a therapist who specializes in grief. Contact us today to schedule an appointment.
Have you heard about the concept of mindfulness? It involves being aware of the thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations that you’re experiencing at any given time (this is commonly referred to as “present moment awareness”). Practicing mindfulness offers numerous benefits, including: Reduced stress, anxiety, and depression Increased sense of well-being Enhanced cognitive abilities Slowed brain […]
Have you heard about the concept of mindfulness? It involves being aware of the thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations that you’re experiencing at any given time (this is commonly referred to as “present moment awareness”). Practicing mindfulness offers numerous benefits, including:
Many people meditate by focusing on their breath—pay attention to how it feels as you inhale and exhale, and whenever you notice that your mind has wandered, acknowledge the distraction as a passing thought and then refocus your attention on your breathing. When you first begin practicing mindfulness, you may be able to do this for only a few minutes, but your sessions will likely get longer over time.
You can incorporate mindfulness techniques into your daily life by practicing present moment awareness when you’re:
If you’re having trouble, you may want to consider downloading an app that will guide you through the meditation process. Or, set some alarms on your phone that will remind you to meditate at certain times throughout the day.
If you’d like to know more about mindfulness techniques and the benefits of present-moment awareness, contact us today. We’ll be happy to schedule a therapy session at a date and time that works for you.
Finding a therapist that you feel totally safe and comfortable with is very important for your healing journey. Because of this, some people wonder whether it’s important for your therapist to be a certain gender. Some have theorized over the years that the gender of a therapist should not matter. After all if they have […]
Finding a therapist that you feel totally safe and comfortable with is very important for your healing journey. Because of this, some people wonder whether it’s important for your therapist to be a certain gender.
Some have theorized over the years that the gender of a therapist should not matter. After all if they have both been trained and licensed and have a solid track record of helping clients, why should it matter?
While this attitude may make sense with other professionals, such as a dentist or veterinarian, gender can have a much more profound impact when it comes to seeking mental health counseling.
Beliefs and Comfort Levels Affect Treatment
Wishing your dentist was a woman instead of a man will not effective the outcome of your root canal. But feeling safer with a female therapist will affect your outcomes. Or believing that only another man can truly understand what you are going through will certainly impact the effectiveness of your treatment.
A woman who is dealing with the trauma of a rape may certainly not feel safe enough in the presence of a male therapist. Conversely, a woman who has been traumatized by a narcissistic mother may only feel safe with a male therapist.
Parents bringing their child in for therapy may specifically seek either a female or male therapist, depending on the specific scenario or issue. A young boy without any positive male role models may need the guidance provided by a male therapist. A female child who is scarred by an abusive alcoholic father may need the safety and comfort of a female therapist.
You Have Every Right
You should never be made to feel guilty because you have a preference for a therapist who is of a certain gender. Your comfort should be your number one priority.
If you would like to explore treatment options, and feel I may be a good fit for your needs, please reach out to me.
SOURCES:
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/faq/does-sex-or-gender-of-therapist-matter
Unless you’ve been living under a proverbial rock, you no doubt are aware that inflation is the highest it’s been in decades. From gas at the pumps to food and utilities, most of us are struggling to make ends meet. And without question, this is causing massive stress. If you are feeling intense stress from […]
Unless you’ve been living under a proverbial rock, you no doubt are aware that inflation is the highest it’s been in decades. From gas at the pumps to food and utilities, most of us are struggling to make ends meet. And without question, this is causing massive stress.
If you are feeling intense stress from the impact of inflation, here are some things you can do:
Be Honest
One of the worst things you can do when feeling stress and anxiety is to pretend you’re not. Be honest with yourself and others about what you’re feeling. The old saying goes, “The squeaky wheel gets the oil.” Ignoring your feelings or pretending they aren’t there will only make them louder and louder.
Get Your Mind Off of Things
Equally important as being honest about your stress is not obsessing over it. You really need to unplug from the stress of the economy and distract yourself with something. Mindless activities are actually a great way to quiet those stressful thoughts. Go for a run. Clean your kitchen. Watch an old movie. Whenever the anxiety begins to creep up, stop and do an activity that will calm you.
Find Joy
It’s important to step back and recognize that no matter how crazy the world gets and no matter how stressed we are, there is still plenty of joy all around us. On our darkest days, the sun still shines. Make sure to spend time each day noticing all of those small things that bring joy and happiness into your life. The perfect latte. A sunset. Your child’s laughter. Be thankful for each and every one of these. Gratitude is the great elixir of stress and sadness.
These are just a few ways you can cope with the stress of inflation. You may also want to speak to someone if your stress turns into unmanageable anxiety or depression. If you’d like to explore treatment options, please reach out to me.
SOURCES:
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/inflation-stress-anxiety-mental-health_l_62d958ade4b0aad58d18015b
https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/general/how-to-prepare-for-inflation-coping-with-financial-stress/
https://www.cnbc.com/2022/05/18/rising-inflation-has-made-people-feel-anxious-here-are-ways-to-cope.html
The number one ingredient to any healthy and stable relationship is good communication. When communication is poor, relationships break down. Whether they are platonic, romantic or revolve around business, your relationships will thrive if you improve your communication with others. Here’s how: Be Fully Present Trust and respect must be earned by both parties. And […]
The number one ingredient to any healthy and stable relationship is good communication. When communication is poor, relationships break down.
Whether they are platonic, romantic or revolve around business, your relationships will thrive if you improve your communication with others. Here’s how:
Be Fully Present
Trust and respect must be earned by both parties. And this requires giving each other your full attention. Keep distractions like cell phones out of the conversation. Make eye contact and fully listen to what the other person is saying and how they are saying it.
Use “I” Statements
One of the biggest things that make a person tune out during a conversation is when they are told they are doing something wrong. YOU do this or YOU do that is not the best way to get your feelings across.
Try using more “I” statements. These statements focus on your feelings without casting blame on the other person.
So as an example, instead of saying, “You’re always late!” You can instead say, “I worry when you haven’t shown up and I haven’t heard from you.”
See the difference?
Avoid Negative Communication Patterns
Poor communication is typically the result of negative communication patterns. These include things like passive aggressiveness, ignoring the other person when they are speaking, and yelling.
While you may not be able to change your own negative communication patterns overnight, you can commit to becoming more aware of them and when they happen, stop the pattern and change it.
These are just some of the ways you can improve your communication with others. You may also want to seek the guidance of a couples’ therapist who can offer you even more strategies and a safe space to share your feelings.
If you’d like to explore counseling, please reach out to me. I’d love to help you reconnect with your partner.
SOURCES:
https://positivepsychology.com/communication-in-relationships/
https://www.verywellmind.com/communication-in-relationships-why-it-matters-and-how-to-improve-5218269
https://us.calmerry.com/blog/relationships/9-ways-to-improve-communication-in-your-relationship/